MELANCHOLY MIDDLE

I cried a river more than once before my last one left for college. I have been a mother a very long time and I admit, not that great of one in the cooking category, but certainly right up there in the loving category.

My experienced friends told me that when she came home for the holidays I would be glad when she left and I just politely smiled and said no way…NO!WAY! Her Christmas break was 40 days. Lent is 40 days. Jesus was tempted 40 days…why do all tests seem to be 40 days?

She left Friday and I am caught somewhere in the middle of glad and sad.
After tripping over her laundry that she has left in a pile for me to do; after getting the gripe out for getting up early to exercise, dress, and begin my day too loudly and before noon; after the 18 year old routine that I have lived without for 5 months…yep…it’s time for her to go.

Someone was right and it wasn’t me.

I’m not sad about her leaving, I’m sad about the fact that things have really and permanently changed. This will never really be her home again, at least not in the same way. That unsettled feeling, not ready to stay, but nowhere really to go. That change is just one of those things in life you never really get quite prepared for…they slip up on you even though they’re glaring with a red blinking sign…curve up ahead. Sentimental sadness for the way things were because they were so very good and scary excitement for life ahead because of the potential for all it will be.

Life is good like that.

LIFE IS A RIDE

My sister loved Fredrick John Meno IV more than I’ve ever known her to love someone. She married him. He cheated on her and she divorced him. She says today she wishes she’d been more patient during their reconciliation.
I stood beside her at the Tarrant County Courthouse while the judge dissolved her marriage with the tap of his gavel. I went with her to her house to get a few things to come stay with me for a day or two after. I wrote on Fred’s mirror in her red lipstick the following words: “Losing you as a brother is truly one of the saddest days of my life.” We left.
Tracy met Tim and they have Claire and Mary and Eleanor and Joseph.
Life is like the Tilt-a-Whirl…you stand in line to ride. You do your level best to lean a certain way to make the ride spin fast enough to take your breath away. The out of control motion scares you half to death. You laugh but sometimes it spins so fast it makes you sick. It’s over. You tumble out and if you are brave, you rush down the ramp and stand in line to ride it again.
The Tilt-a-Whirl is my favorite ride.